I am stunned by how,
you, a simple boy,
can in one breath,
destroy years of progress.
(I am not 19, anymore,
I will not be fooled
by eyes the color of
a summer day,
and breath coated
with alcohol that
burns through my chest).
You are not my future,
but you are painted by my past.
A name with the weight of a
and a chance for a do-over.
I can’t tell if my heart beats
for you, or for the chance you represent.
(and there is our predestined outcome.
you have his name,
his web of lies.
But this time, I am the one with the
weight of the world on my finger).
when you touch me,
i will not bleed.
(he already drained me dry).
The future is building beneath my skin,
cells stitching together to form an unforgettable
heartbeat that will change the direction of the world.
It’s so desperate, the way you gaze at me,
and I can already feel the way your
tongue wishes to pool in my clavicle;
the nervous twitch of hands
waiting to tweak hard nipples.
Your moan has already broken the
sound barrier between the past
and the future where you
are breaking in front of me.
But here is the present,
the moment where your eyes
are begging for forgiveness
as you take the last pieces of a
soul you see bared before you.
there is this quiet violence though,
this ache for the absolute,
and i can feel your fingers itching to make me
bleed, to make my cry out,
you just pull your whisper against my
clit until I’m a mess of tears, gasping for
relief. (you fuck me until I’m raw, until I’m nothing,
until I am drowning in the pool of your eyes and
I couldn’t find reprieve if I tried).
Your hands are against my throat,
your eyes are piercing my heart,
your heat is heavy against my thigh,
your ring is tangled in my hair–
I never did wake up.