I never claimed loving me would be easy.
(you begged me to make it fair–
I shoved a knife in the space between your ribs
and ate your breath to the rhythm of your surprise).
I always had this notion,
that you belonged not with me
but to me.
(that was our final undoing. that
act of possession over partnership).
I can still feel the slide of you lips
against my skin as I took your first kiss
(the world you were all to happy to part with),
the spark of your body as, years later,
I took your innocence, your convictions
(it was all too easy).
(you never quite gave up the hold on your heart).
I never wanted it to end this way.
(you made me your villian–
I took the shape of the words you left unsaid,
and in their absense became brighter than the force of your soul).
you spent years asking me to write
the final page,
gloss the finish you couldn’t
(the beginnings that sprouted
from the pages I burned
are more beautiful than I
ever could’ve put to words).
my last gift to you.
-the smell of his skin keeps her alive, in those small moments before the dawn breaks when she wants nothing more than to let the breath rattle from the depths of her soul until there is not even a whisper. He is there, in those moments, and his hand is brushing her waist, and his chest is pressed against her so tight that all she can do is breathe. Steady now, in and out. Steady now, follow the rhythm of his heart beat.
Every time he said: holy ghost,
all I could hear was: holocaust.
In this genocide,
my heart was only the casualty.
(my heart was the only one).
The future is building beneath my skin,
cells stitching together to form an unforgettable
heartbeat that will change the direction of the world.
-when she looks in the mirror, she doesn’t see a woman anymore, she sees a monster. All brightblueeyes and vicioussmiles. She just stares at her reflection and wishes for the girl from before, all hurricanes and storms, with a quiet violence that kept verging but never crashed. Instead, she sees a shadow, an aftermath, a voracious appetite, a strangling selfishness. She sees something she never knew how to love. She can’t bring herself to break the glass.-
I think I finally understand the word unconditional– because when you look at me, I forget where you begin and I end, and there was never a time when I wasn’t as much a part of you as you are of me. I want to live in that moment forever, and I know, as long as we stand side by side, I can.
I’ve just been having a really hard time finding the poetry.